Sit up and pay attention! Today’s lesson is all about No Pineapple Left Behind, a satirical simulation of modern education and the tireless pursuit to create the perfect student body.
As the principal, it is your duty to manage the staff and finances (even if that means fudging a few numbers), dealing with bothersome parents, creating curriculums, and ultimately churning out the best little test-takers possible for the prestige of the school.
Lucky for you, an evil wizard has turned all the children into studious little pineapples.
But, there’s a problem. Your diligent pineapples keep turning back into children. Sure, human children ‘can’ get better grades, but they are so troublesome, incessantly complaining, procrastinating and snapping selfies when they should be studying. Tests are coming up and order must be maintained.
- Manage the school’s curriculums, students and staff without going bankrupt.
- Dehumanize the children, turning them into orderly pineapples. Or…
- Deal with the complications of human children, for potentially better grades.
- Address parental concerns or maybe ignore them altogether.
- Lump the bad students together, expel them or even lie about their grades.
- Maintain a small staff of top-tier teachers or a large group of burned-out, underpaid teachers.