Seven Pirates H Switch Review

You may have noticed that over the last few years I’ve covered quite a few fan-service games. Surprisingly, the reason I often pick these kinds of games up is that they often have some really interesting and sometimes even completely unique mechanics which push the industry forward. I won’t lie, I do also enjoy the odd bit of smutty humour, even if I’ve commonly criticised the level to which the fan service occasionally goes

Well, it’s time for another entry in this seemingly ongoing series, “Games which shouldn’t be played on public transport.” Let’s have a look at Seven Pirates H.

Genkai Tokki: Seven Pirates H is the fourth entry in the Genkai Tokki series, following Monster Monpiece, Moe Chronicle and Moero Crystal. All originally developed for the PlayStation Vita’s Asian market, the second, third and now fourth entries have slowly trickled their way over to the west as Nintendo Switch ports – see our reviews of the previous ports at https://invisioncommunity.co.uk/moero-chronicle-hyper-review/ and https://invisioncommunity.co.uk/moero-crystal-h-review/ respectively. In my previous encounters with the series, I’ve praised the tongue-in-cheek character and creature designs, unique aesthetics and interesting ideas brought to the table whilst finding the fan-service invasive at best, creepy at worst. When I found out that the next one, Seven Pirates H, had a swashbuckling aesthetic I just had to try it; but unfortunately in many areas, it feels like a big step backwards from the heights of Moero Crystal H.

You start Seven Pirates playing as Parute, a young Pirate shipwrecked on an island and searching for a ship. She has a magic compass, which apparently can point to a legendary treasure, but which hasn’t actually worked for as long as she’s had it. Luckily for her, Otton – the only returning character and notorious pervert dick-seal – drops in and is able to get it working. From this point on, you control her and her growing band of pirate monster-girls as they search for treasure on the high seas.

It’s a pretty straightforward plot, and whilst it’s no Monkey Island it gets the ball rolling. On the bright side, at least you aren’t searching for panties this time. As she travels around searching for treasure Parute encounters various monster girls, each with a unique look. Whilst in previous titles the playable roster has been very extensive (80+ I think; I have to admit I never got around to finding them ALL,) Seven Pirates H has 7, although you do come across others. Once all seven treasures are collected there are a few more events, but overall the plot is pretty bland compared to previous games. Admittedly, the plots of the others weren’t exactly Shakespeare – searching for the panties of light and the bra of darkness being a particularly strange quest – but it almost feels like this time around they were more focused on the transition to 3D than including quite as much ridiculous humour and interesting story-beats.

Character Designs

Luckily, some of the character designs themselves are just as good as last time; despite the fact that they are far less numerous. I’ve always enjoyed the unique way in which characters have portrayed their monstrous inspirations – using lore and mythology to inform design – and whilst there isn’t as much originality of thought in the designs I did like a few. Jewel is a notorious slime girl with a massive gun, and I love the fact that her hat, hair and some of her clothing are made entirely of said blue slime. Throughout her design are a number of skulls, harking back to the idea that in games such as Dungeons and Dragons slimes are fearsome foes thanks to their ability to melt organic matter. In other words, I think a few people got a bit too close! Then there’s Claret, who is inspired by the Kraken and other giant squid monsters. Her headdress creates a beak-like shape and her clothing – which splits at the bottom into tendril-like strips – is covered in studs and buckles which resemble suckers. Her personality also completely fits this concept, with her truly monstrous urges conflicting with her pretty face to great effect. Both examples mirror what I love about this series – unique and original twists on mythological creatures, but unfortunately, there are far more duds this time around. Sakyura – the demon/succubus – is practically nude aside from a few strips of leather (granted, slightly resembling wings,) and her horns. Yes, it’s arguably demonic, but I’ve seen it before too many times. Poron is supposed to be a skeleton, but in actuality, the only skeletal aspects of her are the multiple skull motifs on her jacket and hair clips. When you compare these to the kitsune Yoko, the kikimora Papain and Moero Crystal H’s skeleton Neferia it’s easy to find them disappointingly lacking. I understand that the pirate aesthetic left less room for originality in the designs, and I like the fact they generally stuck to monsters found in that setting, but there’s no excuse for this dip in quality after setting the bar so high. Before, characters had clearly distinct personalities derived from their inspiration but which also made them their own character. Here, the monstrous origins are harder to find and the personalities just seem to meld into one another. There aren’t even any other costume options here – whilst in previous titles, each girl had at least four, with at least one of them showing a lighter, more humorous side to them.

Enemy design has also had a distinct drop in quality, with most simply returning from previous games with copious recolours. They’re still all either genital-inspired or tongue-in-cheek, but the actual number of original designs has taken a dip and I found their 3D representations lacking in the charm and humour of previous entries.

Gameplay

The gameplay this time around has had a big change too – switching from a first-person dungeon crawl to a 3D third-person wander. Previously, you would search a dungeon’s many floors in a turn-based fashion, with events occurring as you moved, random encounters and combat happening in a turn-based, static-sprite fashion. Whilst the combat remains a turn-based RPG affair, exploration of the dungeons is free-moving with overworld monsters which can be avoided. On one hand, it feels easier to engage with, and I liked being able to search out certain enemies when looking for particular loot. However, the downside to this is that dungeon design has also taken a dive off of a cliff, with mostly linear areas and very little in the way of reaching the exit. Before, an area would take a number of hours and multiple trips, but that’s all been stripped down leaving them feeling a little cold and lifeless despite the tropical sun. Again, it’s disappointing to see.

Outside of these areas, you travel around a relatively large, 2D open sea map, which slowly expands as you complete quests. These quests are delivered by the Booby-kin, who you find on your adventures and who provides info, merchants and in-battle abilities. Unfortunately, the quests they provide boil down to either killing a number of a certain enemy or collecting a certain type of item, leading to a hefty amount of grinding in the under-levelled areas for the sake of it. Nothing interesting, just “fetch this” or “kill that.” There are also some limited character events on this map, but again, they’re just short VA cutscenes without the personality or charm of previous titles.

Combat System

The combat system, thankfully, does bring with it a few new mechanics; although I still don’t feel it replaces what has been stripped out adequately. Instead of elements each girl now has a type and the red-green-blue forms a type-effectiveness triangle. You can change each girl’s type using certain abilities in battle – a welcome addition – but there’s far too much emphasis on this with actual damage number being vastly changed by it. It also doesn’t help that basic attacks do negligible damage. Each girl has special attacks, however, which are activated using their H energy. This builds up through successful attacks and taking damage. At 100, the girl enters an elevated state known as “excited,” and at max, they enter “aroused,” from which they will die after a number of rounds but which also allows them to use ultimate abilities. Using the specials (consisting of status changes, buff/debuffs, poisoning and healing etc.) is the only real way to do any significant damage, and unfortunately, it takes a good number of rounds to build up the meter. Battles often feel drawn out as you wait either for a smaller ability to be usable or their arousal attack to be ready. The smaller attacks barely even have their own animations. Thankfully at least the ultimates do, even if each seems to exist solely so that the camera can highlight either their crotch or breasts. I did find some of this funny mind – the legs-akimbo leaping bonk of Waffle making me giggle in particular. Finally, certain bosses require a finishing move from Otton, the aforementioned penis seal. To activate it you much increase his…excitement…by rubbing the girls frantically. In handheld mode, this felt gross as it felt like I was simply rubbing off a perverted seal. It didn’t help when this AMAZING FINISHER turned out to be a literal white beam spraying from the top of his bulbous head towards the enemy. Yes, I did just write that. Overall though, the gameplay just isn’t that compelling. I’d even go so far as to say it’s boring at times and gross at others, and that isn’t even mentioning the fan-service portion.

Oh, my lord. This next section I’ve been absolutely dreading writing – may God have mercy on my soul and may my mother never read it.

Abilities

In more RPGs, you level up automatically, with stats increasing and abilities unlocking as a matter of course. In some, you have to actively go out of your way to level up once you have enough experience. In this, you unlock “booby extracts” by collecting experiences which can then be used to level up outside of battle. Doesn’t sound too bad yet, right? But what if I were to tell you that in order to level up you needed to pull, squeeze, pinch and tap the character’s chest in the “booby training” minigame in order to make any meaningful progress? Well, you do, and in doing so you change a number of different elements of their breasts, which also confer bonuses and penalties to different stats. Do you want Parute to hit like a truck at the expense of defence? Enlarge her spheres to frankly painful levels and it’ll be reflected both in her stats and on her model! Want Jewel to be small and perky? You can do it! On one hand – completely objectively – the mechanic is probably the most interesting thing about Seven Pirates H, as it uses dynamic character-model modification as an indicator of stats and abilities. This has been seen in a couple of other games, but as far as I’m aware never with quite as many variables, and in this aspect, it’s a true success. The physics involved are also very impressive, even if larger characters do end up looking like they’re smuggling bags of booze into a festival from the way they bounce around. On the other hand, it’s simply too far. After being exposed to so many fan-service games I’ve become pretty hard to shock but this made me feel incredibly uncomfortable and like a true piece of work. If it were an optional extra mini-game – like in most other examples of the genre, I wouldn’t be so critical of the lingerie-clad breast-bouncing fan service. For it to be a central mechanic to actual progression, repeated hundreds of times without an opt-out just spoils it. The first time it was vaguely amusing to rapidly inflate a pirate, but by the hundredth, it had just become annoying and gross.

I feel like most of the issues with Seven Pirates H come down to one thing and one thing alone, as is often the case when a series tries to evolve – the transition to 3D.  In the early days of 3D, this was fatal to so many titles, as developers spent more time on a new engine and graphical progression than making an actual good game, I can’t help but feel like the Genkai Tokki guys fell into this age-old trap. Yes, it’s a good-looking game with a cutesy aesthetic and lovely, thematically appropriate music, but it’s not a good game. It’s incredibly short when compared to its predecessors, has a tiny under-developed roster with no additional costumes, has a lack-lustre story and quest structure and a small number of abysmally designed dungeons. Yes, some of the charm and humour of Genkai Tokki did make the transition, but in all honesty, this entry is a huge step backwards and it’s unsurprising that since its original release in 2016 there have been no new Genkai Tokki titles announced.

If you like the sound of some cheeky, rude humour with relatively optional fan service and great character designs inspired by mythology, Genkai Tokki is definitely where you’ll find it. Unfortunately, Seven Pirates H is not, and I simply can’t recommend it as a first dip in the franchise. Yes, there is some good here – it feels very charming and pirate and the 3D battles do look much nicer than in previous entries. I liked the aesthetic design of the dungeons, and they’re much simpler to navigate if extensive, challenging first-person dungeon crawling isn’t your thing. However, before even considering picking this up I’d recommend trying Moero Crystal H – it’s simply a much better, considerably more fleshed-out place to get your fix of tongue-in-cheek puerile giggles.

Developers: Felistella, Idea Factory
Publishers: Compile Heart, EastAsiaSoft

Reviewed on Nintendo Switch

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